This section is the most personal to me. It was my daughter's journey through international adoption that made me aware of the effects of trauma and ACEs. Despite working for 10+ years as a Pediatrician, I had never heard of ACEs or the effects of abuse, neglect, stress, or attachment disruption on the brain of a child before. When I became aware of this area of research, I was blown away. I also noticed that the adoption community had answers and therapies that the medical community was not really aware of yet. Similarly, the medical community had information the adoption community was not always aware of. My goal is to bring all of the information available to one platform. This way all of the stakeholders can find what they need in an efficient manner.
My version of what every prospective adoptive or foster parent should know is this: It is true that adoption comes from loss. You have to assume that every adopted child, including those adopted as newborns may manifest some of the effects of the stress of losing their connection to the biological mother, and the effects of any increased stress she was under or substances she used. Infants and children who have had multiple primary caregivers will likely manifest the stress of changing caregivers or loss of attachment figures. When this happens multiple times, the child may cope by withholding attachment to any new caregivers, to protect themselves from future loss. Sometimes this happens with the adoptive parent. We know the parent is now permanent, but the child's coping mechanisms may take a long time to adjust to permanency, if ever.
I believe every adopted or fostered child could benefit from an evaluation from a trauma informed therapist in their community. Seeking therapy is not a sign of failure of the adoptive parents or a failure of attachment. It is a sign of great parents doing everything possible to help their child become the most secure and confident person they can be. Not every child may need therapy at all, but the evaluation alone could be very helpful. It may also be good to be plugged in to a therapist when, at different stages of maturity, the child needs to discuss and process the adoption. This should be normal and expected. It will need to be talked about each time the child is able to understand more. We have learned that when parents take the attitude that adoption should not be talked about, because with good intentions they want the child to feel they are the same as a biological child, it can actually backfire. It can make the child feel that there is something wrong in the adoption and that is why the parents don't want to talk about it.
Many children do very well in a foster or adoptive home with minimal evidence of trauma. This can be supported by building resilience factors in your children. The more close, connected relationships your child gets to have with extended family and friends the better. Positive parenting practices such as reading together, family dinners, singing, telling stories, family outings, and play dates have been shown to build resilience from the effects of trauma in kids. There are also many activities that promote healing from trauma such as yoga, martial arts, music groups, massage, theatre, art, mindfulness, exercise, nutrition, and sleep. Any parent can foster these things in daily life to promote the healing of the brain from trauma. Please see the Treatments page for more information.
Adoption and fostering takes SO MUCH PATIENCE! I am in awe of all of the foster parents I know who do this over and over again. If you are a mature, calm, experienced parent please consider becoming a foster parent with trauma-informed training in your community! We need you! Let's invest in people, not fortunes. I have included the best websites and links that I could find for anyone interested in foster care or adoption. I will add more as I become aware of them.
God Bless You,
Laura Shamblin, MD
My version of what every prospective adoptive or foster parent should know is this: It is true that adoption comes from loss. You have to assume that every adopted child, including those adopted as newborns may manifest some of the effects of the stress of losing their connection to the biological mother, and the effects of any increased stress she was under or substances she used. Infants and children who have had multiple primary caregivers will likely manifest the stress of changing caregivers or loss of attachment figures. When this happens multiple times, the child may cope by withholding attachment to any new caregivers, to protect themselves from future loss. Sometimes this happens with the adoptive parent. We know the parent is now permanent, but the child's coping mechanisms may take a long time to adjust to permanency, if ever.
I believe every adopted or fostered child could benefit from an evaluation from a trauma informed therapist in their community. Seeking therapy is not a sign of failure of the adoptive parents or a failure of attachment. It is a sign of great parents doing everything possible to help their child become the most secure and confident person they can be. Not every child may need therapy at all, but the evaluation alone could be very helpful. It may also be good to be plugged in to a therapist when, at different stages of maturity, the child needs to discuss and process the adoption. This should be normal and expected. It will need to be talked about each time the child is able to understand more. We have learned that when parents take the attitude that adoption should not be talked about, because with good intentions they want the child to feel they are the same as a biological child, it can actually backfire. It can make the child feel that there is something wrong in the adoption and that is why the parents don't want to talk about it.
Many children do very well in a foster or adoptive home with minimal evidence of trauma. This can be supported by building resilience factors in your children. The more close, connected relationships your child gets to have with extended family and friends the better. Positive parenting practices such as reading together, family dinners, singing, telling stories, family outings, and play dates have been shown to build resilience from the effects of trauma in kids. There are also many activities that promote healing from trauma such as yoga, martial arts, music groups, massage, theatre, art, mindfulness, exercise, nutrition, and sleep. Any parent can foster these things in daily life to promote the healing of the brain from trauma. Please see the Treatments page for more information.
Adoption and fostering takes SO MUCH PATIENCE! I am in awe of all of the foster parents I know who do this over and over again. If you are a mature, calm, experienced parent please consider becoming a foster parent with trauma-informed training in your community! We need you! Let's invest in people, not fortunes. I have included the best websites and links that I could find for anyone interested in foster care or adoption. I will add more as I become aware of them.
God Bless You,
Laura Shamblin, MD
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